


Hopeless Eyes

by tangablesadness



Series: Leaving [2]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Adult Ciel Phantomhive, Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, Caring Sebastian, Ciel Phantomhive's Birthday, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, F/M, Future Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Major Original Character(s), POV Ciel Phantomhive, Post-Canon, Relationship(s), Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8251376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangablesadness/pseuds/tangablesadness
Summary: *Should read Killer Smile to understand this, but you might survive on your own*He never expected to live this long. Faced with unknowns and threats looming over him, Ciel Phantomhive is at even more of a loss when he wakes up one day to find his butler gone.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kimberly_T](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimberly_T/gifts).



> So, Ciel's POV of the whole ordeal. I decided to make this a separate fic from Killer Smile because the difference in format. To me Killer Smile is the prologue story that entices people in the series. It gives you a small understanding of what is coming up and leaves you with some questions. As you can tell by the length, this will go into much more detail. 2/3 stories, we still have Sebastian to go. This took me quite of bit of time to write, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> *Gifted to Kimberly_T for giving me the idea to write in Ciel's POV. You created this, so I hope you like it XD*

"I refuse"

"But my Lord, I feel that taking up a new instrument would be good for you."

"And why would that be so Sebastian? Doesn't the frustration from teaching me one instrument already scare you off?"

"Nonsense, for a human you did exceedingly well."

Pause. Eye roll. "That doesn't mean much to you though, does it?"

Evasive cough. "My opinion as a lowly butler should not matter to a person of your status. Piano is a lovely new challenge, forcing you to be able to read both bass and treble clef at the same time and improving your hand-eye reactions."

"......."

"......"

"This has nothing to do with the fact that you play piano the best?"

Ciel watched in amusement as his butler turned away to pour a pot of tea.

"You showoff, of course you would take care to rub my limitations in my face."

Sebastian turned back with a pleasant smile, laughter sparkling under closed eyelids.

"I must say your assumptions are baseless young master, for I can play every instrument with equal finesse. I do not have such mortal limitations."

"Arrogant fiend."

"No need to be aggressive my Lord."

Ciel groaned mentally at his servants nature. When had he begun to allow his demon to tease him so openly? He tried to think back but the years seemed to string together in a haze. The young man glowered, it seemed strange to consider that he lived long enough to become forgetful.

"You have no need to address me by young master anymore, I am hardly a child."

Ciel frowned when his butler sobered up almost immediately.

"That is true I suppose, your nineteenth birthday is coming up realtivly soon, isn't it? But you will still always be young compared to me."

The Earl deepened his marred expression.

"I never expected to live so long Sebastian."

He turned to face his servant,

"I have no idea how to proceed. I am to become married within the month, forcing Lizzie into something she will regret."

His stomach roiled at the thought.

"Soon I will need to produce an heir, entrapping another soul with the curse of this position."

Ciel softly slipped off the ring from around his forefinger. Holding it up gently he watched entranced at the tiny streaks of light that flickered off the gem, creating a even deeper royal blue.

"Do you find this amusing demon? Seeing another family fall apart?" He watched his butler's burning eyes staring at him, as if to intimidate him out of the topic. But what could he possibly do? Even if they were not bound by contract the thought of death was more welcoming than foreboding.

"Do you wish to tear me apart?"

He let the ring slip from his fingertips, the clattering sound on the wooden floor resounded throughout the room.

The Earl's eyes widened in shock at the imperceptible flinch found on Sebastian's face.

"Do you wish to die young master?"

Scowling at the change of topic Ciel slammed his palm down on his desk, papers flying everywhere.

"I am trapped within the position of a puppet, endangering everyone around me constantly. I risk ruining my fiancé, and damning her heirs with my blood. I cannot ever imagine letting myself have a companion other than you when death is serving me tea."

He could feel everything building up, anger, resentment and overwhelming hopelessness.

"My children."

He paused to compose himself.

"I will be taken away from them by a brutal death just as my father was from me."

The stunned silence of his butler resounded through him, and he felt mortified at the pricking of tears. Finally he looked up at his demon, cracked lips finally speaking the thought haunting him every night.

"I do not wish to die Sebastian, I wish to escape."

Ciel closed his eyes at the sound of the office door shutting.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He swallowed in the silence, trying to ignore the itch of his suit.

Nina Hopkins buzzed around him, taking measurements and putting on last final touches.

What am I doing, he couldn't help but think.

The tightness in his throat was made worse as he saw Lizzie through the next window practically jumping up and down in glee. He was worried (hopeful) for a moment that the stress would trigger an asthma attack.

He took a look at the woman before him, hoping desperately that the long lean thighs exposed by her precarious wear would entice him.

Nausea was the only sensation he was greeted with. Accompanied with disappointment. 

Noticing his staring Nina looked up to meet his icy gaze. Smiling slightly she started humming a foreign lullaby, softening her tone as his eyes slipped shut in sorrow.

"Society has always been restrictive, you will survive."

Twisting her brown locks around her finger she softly shoved him toward the door. 

Placing on her exuberant personality she called out,

"This is the only exception to my age rule! Do not come back to me another time, you passed 15 ages ago! The only reason I excepted is because you are such a squirt! And that stiff butler, you put me through horrors in working with such an amateur! Do you treat all your staff this way?

Ciel snorted as he trudged off. For the first time in a while, he felt a need to chuckle.

So he did.

Ignoring the surprised stumble of his passing maid he continued out the door.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Into this union Elizabeth Midford and Ciel Phantomhive now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not be lawfully wed, speak now, or else forever hold your peace."

Silence rebounded through the room. Ciel's stomach sank.

"I charge you both, here in the presence of God and the witness of this company, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be married lawfully and in accordance with God's Word, do now confess it."

He kept silent at Lizzie's beam. Save yourself now, he mentally pleaded her. Save me, you said you loved me didn't you? He felt a stab in his gut when she excitably squeezed his hand.

"Elizabeth, will you have this man to be your husband; to live together with him in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful unto him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will" she replied without hesitation. He could never deserve her.

"Ciel, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together with her in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful unto her as long as you both shall live?"

He swallowed.

He couldn't.

"I will"

But he had already resigned himself to their fate.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ciel had always hated his birthday.

He scowled slightly as he stepped into the done up ballroom. Gold lace embroidery covered almost every inch of the windows, the evening light filtering through giving the room a warm glow. Every furnish was polished to the highest degree, practically glittering. Elegant banners hung from diamond chandeliers and in the back of the room stood a fountain gurgling with champagne.

He softly paused, casting a mock glare over his shoulder.

"You do not know the meaning of simple do you?"

It was the first sentence aside from work that he had spoken to his demon since his outburst. He resisted the urge to fidget under Sebastian's odd stare. 

"How have your dancing lessons been going?"

Ciel blinked in surprise, than rapidly formed an irritated scowl, vanishing into confusion as his butler extended out his hand. He didn't know one could feel emotions in such quick succession. 

"What are y---"

"We should brush up on your skills, considering the Lady's poor broken feet from the wedding."

Sebastian pasted on his classic close eyed smile.

"May I have this dance?"

A pregnant pause filled the room as bewilderment passed through the Earl. They both sat stiff in their stations waiting for a reaction. The butler began to retract his arm.

"I apologize for overstepping any professional bond---" Sebastian paused and stared at his master in silent shock as the lord gripped the outstretched hand. He handed his servant a pointed look, efficiently snapping him to his senses. With a amused smirk he led his master into a simple waltz. Ciel didn't mention anything about how he was supposed to be leading if he wanted to learn.

They swirled around, the butler staring intently at him while he looked everywhere else.

His breath caught at the fond sadness in his demons eyes. What the hell was all this. Confusion clouded his mind as he barely caught Sebastian's whisper.

"How ephemeral."

And the dance drew to a close.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He pulled at his hair in fear. He had failed in his mission. Failed.

Never had this ever happened before, it simply wasn't possible with Sebastian by his side. 

But this time had been different, stakes were higher as more supernatural creatures got involved. It was the first time his demon was outmatched. They barely managed to get out alive, let alone get the information they needed. He immediately sent his butler away from him as the got home, ignoring the beaten puppy look he was sent as his mind raced to find another solution.

There was no other, and in much reluctance he sent his letter off to the Queen with the news.

What was to be done now? Would she decide him unfit for his position? Threats loomed over his head as he shut his eyes and collapsed to his knees, composure forgotten.

Knock

He ignored the sound.

"Ciel dear?"

Damn it all.

Getting to his feet he trudged over and practically ripped his office door off it's hinges.

"Yes?" He hummed.

"I heard a crash," She glanced at his face. "Is something the matter?"

"Nothing at all."

She smiled at him, an angelic bright one, as she tried to soothe him. The rope of guilt clutched tighter around his gut as he realised the consequences that could backlash on her. Beautiful sweet innocent Lizzie could be hurt. He had failed everyone.

With that he slammed the door in her face.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He watched as his wife blushed at Charles Grey's flirtatious humour. He felt no anger, no embarrassment, no jealousy. Only surprise. Ciel never expected them to ever hit it off, but aside from annoyance at how the butler made his food disappear, he felt no ill will. Lizzie deserved happiness, and if it was threw the means of an affair then so be it.

She caught his gaze and excused herself as he smiled at her with encouragement. He frowned when she walked over.

"Go ahead. I approve." He said with a nod to the white haired man.

"I know." She meekly responded.

Because just as Ciel could not love her, she could never stop.

So he asked her to dance and tried to ignore Sebastian's stare as they spun.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His whole body was on fire as they hit him with blow after blow. Blood was caked all over his body, the scent of it making him sick. Finally the Queen called out, ordering that it was enough.

"Take care to complete your missions correctly Earl of Phantomhive." 

They then departed.

He weakly ordered for his butler to come, watching as he came through the door. He internally scoffed when his eyes bled magenta with hunger.

"This has not happened in a while my Lord." It was true, he seemingly was never injured anymore.

Staring at his demon pointedly he muttered,

"Yes and I can see how much you missed it. Take me home and clean me up, that is an order."

His eyes widened as Sebastian practically snarled at him, flinching when he picked up his hand with an especially deep cut.

He stood frozen as he watched the tall dark haired man pressing a gentle kiss to the wound, placing some of his saliva on it as it began to heal instantaneously. 

Ciel ignored his eyes, heavy with emotion that didn't belong as he whispered a soft 'yes my lord'.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He watched in calm merriment as Sebastian and his wife danced. His wife was glowing, dressed up in blue. It looked as if her hair were the sun and her garment the sky. 

She was beautiful,

and so strong.

This was a fact he always knew, but easily forgotten hidden behind frills.

He scowled as he saw both kept casting looks at him, as if he couldn't tell they were speaking of him. That demon probably made at least one comment about his dancing.

But as the song stopped and he walked over to Lizzie, he found himself not caring. 

She giggled as he gave her an affectionate peck on the lips.

"Thank you." He whispered as he grabbed her hands. His heart twinged in guilt when she looked shell shocked.

"I appreciate you looking out for me, I am sorry for how I have been treating you." He gritted out. This uncomfortable (but honest) admission was the least he could return for her favours.

His heart pricked with affection as her expressive eyes lit up. Pulling him around the corner she pulled him down for a kiss.

Shutting his eyes he tried to give whatever he could in return to her always standing adoration.

He would make sure her light did not become fully tainted with darkness.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He raised an eyebrow as Sebastian listed off the new exercises.

"Self defense, strategic thinking? I will take it because I see their use, but I do not think I will live long enough to apply it."

"My Lord?"

Ciel steeled himself.

"The Queen has asked for a heir."

He let that statement sink in before continuing.

"Why have you held off for so long demon?"

Sebastian paused, seeming to pick his words carefully.

"Young Master, I had feasted like a wild animal on many souls, not caring about the quality. When you lived for the amount of centuries as I, life can become boring and monotonous. Wickedness, sorrow and hatred are commonplace, and though they shall always be craved by us demons, I have developed a taste for more refined emotions."

"Such as?"

"Hope, sorrow, happiness, love. I understand I will never be able to feel such things, but I have seen it's beauty in humans. It is interesting to compare the things I can 'feel' to your kind, and I find I have even found some equivalents." 

At the Lord's look he continued.

"I have grown accustomed to this butler aesthetic, enjoying it even. I have grown, hm, affectionate ---that would be the mortal equivalent I think?--- to the humans around me. They are a wonderful source of entertainment. Do not misunderstand young master, I crave your soul with every fiber of my being. But you could say I crave you as a person as well. I do not yet want to lose your wit, your talent, your horrible dancing, poised gracefulness, blue eyes, delicate ankles, infrequent compassion, rare smiles. Not yet, anyway. I am a demon bound to life forever, and I refuse to throw away something that gives my life meaning so soon. I can wait for your soul, the hungrier I am the more delicious it will be. You will be my masterpiece, and I am still in the process of creating it."

Stunned, Ciel sat in silence. He could not think, couldn't even breath. Had he always been so oblivious? But he could not afford this, how could he continue to put his wife through such misery. How could create another human being to damn it to the same fate as him? What if Sebastian became disinterested? Who knows what situation death could take him from? What if he was needed then? He never wanted to live this long. No, he could not waver, his ultimate goal had been put off long enough. He turned to Sebastian and started his fatal request.

"Sebastian this an order," He took a moment to watch his butler pale.

"Young Master"

"you have a month"

"My Lord"

"to find the people"

"Do not do this to yourself."

"who caused me shame"

"Ciel listen--"

"and carry out my revenge."

 

Once again, the office door slammed shut.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just under a month later, he woke up softly, smiling at the lack of interruption to his sleep.

He sobered quickly when he noticed it was past noon.

Bolting up straight he called for his demon. His blood froze.

Nothing.

He called out again and again, repeating his name like a chant. What in the bloody hell was going on?

He jumped out of bed racing to grab his clothes from a large closet. Grabbing whatever he saw, he tugged it down, the pile landing on him in a lump. He messily pulled on the clothes and grabbed his eyepatch, turning toward the mirror he went to put it---

no

NO!

Ciel was absolutely horrified to find two blue orbs staring back at him.

In disbelief he raised a hand to the mirror, softly touching the reflection of his left eye.

He raised his fist and smashed it in anger.

The Earl raced upstairs to his office, not knowing what else to do.

How dare he! How dare he break the contract! That bastard refused him his revenge!

Pacing back and forth he pulled at his hair in frustration before settling by the window when he heard his wife enter he room.  
Taking a dazed glance to acknowledge her he let the truth sink in.

"Sebastian is gone."

He barely felt Lizzie's hand, ignoring her whisper as he shut his eyes in resignation.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything returned to normal, the manor ran smoothly thanks to the ex-butler's preparations before he left. Lizzie was an amazing help, always by her husbands side trying to protect him from any physical or mental harm. Ciel continued to run Funtom as easily as before and was making it through his missions with Mei-Rin by his side. But there still was a hole were Sebastian was. He noticed it in the absolute silence of his office. In the watered down tea and not nearly as spotless mansion. The balls missed the butlers over the top flare, and there was no last minute fixing mistakes. The Queens requests were infinitely more dangerous, and while his maid did a impressive job she wasn't a supernatural creature.

But he especially noticed the absence at night.

He slept alone at his request, he did not want to wake Lizzie with his tossing. But the darkness was suffocating and their was no one to turn to when he woke up, screaming from drowning in blood. They seemed almost more vivid, more mocking now that his revenge appeared like an unreachable goal. They haunted and hurt him, plaguing his mind with fear and guilt. On one especially hopeless night he ordered the empty room.

"Stay with me until I fall asleep."

He supposed him hearing a 'yes my lord' was wishful thinking.

He tried not to think anything when he found a glass of milk and honey next to him when he woke up again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Watchdog swiftly flipped through the files, bullets sizzling over his head as Mei-Rin shot another 5 men dead. He read everything over in disbelief.

'Orders from Her Majesty to sell section 8 of goods. Females and males are to be separated at clients request.'

Human trafficking? Ciel stared at the paper as his hands shook. It made him sick. Absolutely disgusting.

But he shouldn't know this. His stomach sank in dread. He shouldn't know this.

He looked up to meet eyes with John Brown.

Damn.

He was screwed.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He rushed home as fast as possible. They had to go into hiding, everyone needed to disband. He rushed inside calling out for everyone to evacuate.

But before anyone could hear him,

a tank of gasoline and a lit torch crashed through the window.

**Author's Note:**

> I know Ciel is OCC ish! I said I was experimenting okay!
> 
> But for real, I imagine he is less of an asshat brat (lmao) as he gets older. He is eighteen at the beginning of the fic and 23 at the end, so you are to assume that are more than what we see through this story in terms of relationship development. Each story is filled the scenes that have some sort of important defining point in the character's lives. Lizzie only seems to have two apparently throughout these 6 years. Meh, as a prologue story it works I guess. Sebastian seems OCC for now, but next story will go into some in depth stuff to put him back on track, so do not give up on me!
> 
> *Want to read the most amazing SebaCiel fic ever! Honestly this is the fanfic that turned me lmao. It is amazing written with IC characters.: Devilish Impulses by Kittygetslose*
> 
> Thank you for reading and all comments are welcome. Your criticism helps me thrive, so do not leave me in silence!


End file.
